What I did at my house today...

[Corsetière]

I think you’re really misreading me, I was being sincere. But I do stand by the fact that women are treated differently in this forum and other online restoration forums. I thought it was actually cool that you might have recognized that and tried to clarify your intention with what you wrote. But honestly this has become stressful and unpleasant so I think I’m just completely done here. Goodbye, all.

[Manalto]

How do you think it feels for others in this forum who innocently offer a suggestion and then get sniped at for "treating women differently"? Do you really think people here go out of their way to be insulting, rather than helpful? Your accusation forces others who have no ill intent to weigh every word for fear of causing offense. Isn't that demanding to be treated differently?

Leaving in a huff - and announcing it - is the classic move of someone who has been found out and wants to play the victim, a manipulative attempt to inflict guilt on others. Sorry, not buying into it.

[GinaC]

Gals and guys, I beseech you, please let's try to see both sides before making any decisions or carrying on the problematic discussion.

Corsetière, you are extremely talented and leaving here would be a huge loss for us all. Your house and your the work you have done on it are truly an inspiration to myself, and I know that I am not overstepping when I say to others as well. As a woman who has been into this stuff for a long time, I know what you are going through. Men are at best just trying to help us, and, at worst, afraid of and intimidated by us due to their own perceived weakness. They hate feeling that way so they attack. I'm speaking of contractors I have interviewed, but I did feel attacked here when I started my house thread. But that's what you get in any situation when you put a group of different personalities together.

Guys -- As a woman, I feel that none of you tried to upset this fine lady, but because of our lack of strength, we do have to figure out different ways of doing things. Heck, to get large orders of supplies or equipment into my house, I have to unpack the stuff in pieces just so I can carry it upstairs. We perservere because we love the process just as much as you do. All we ask is that you respect our different processes and treat us like we know what we are doing. Don't second guess us. It gets really old to be on the receiving end of that over and over again. Offer support, and instead of saying "do it this way", say "I've had success doing it this way, maybe this will give you ideas."

This is the only post I will make on this subject. I do not want to get into the middle of this argument, but I wanted to get this off my chest. I hope we can all get past this bump, as we did in my house thread, and get back to our beloved houses.

[Willa]

Corsetiere: I will miss your contributions to this forum, if you choose to permanently remove yourself. Your experiences and insight have been valuable and appreciated by so many members. Your perseverance on your home, despite intense adversity (the great lead abatement nightmare plus city bureaucracy) is admirable. You have worked so hard to do right by your house.

That said, I completely empathize with your exasperation and frustration. There is a certain dynamic that rears its head here - and everywhere. Most men don't see it, and often claim it does not exist. Yet all women can name specific incidents - so many of them - and continue to be told how we "misunderstood" or how that guy was trying to be "helpful". Or how that guy is a really nice guy and didn't mean that thing he said or did the way we interpret it. The problem is that a pattern emerges - where that nice guy is nice to other boys or men but treats women differently, less nice, less like an actual person.

As a woman working on the first home I have ever owned by myself, I have butted heads so many times with potential contractors, the unfriendly guy at the hardware store who treats me with contempt every single time, being dealt with like I don't know anything when some know-it-all knows less than I do. On one hand, there is so much that my own father(or mother) did not teach me - that girls are never taught about in school or actively discouraged from learning. How am I supposed to know how to carry a heavy awkward thing when no one has ever shown me the right way to do this ? I was never offered summer jobs doing construction gruntwork - like many of the men I know were, where they picked up basic skills and building knowledge. It is so rare to meet a woman in the trades as to be completely remarkable when I do. This was never offered as a viable career option to any high school girl I ever knew, unless the trade was dental hygenist, nurse or hairdresser.

Picking up the skills to fix my own home have been challenging. I have had to grit my teeth to get through employing a skilled person (always a man) to do a professional task while being appalled by this individual's casual expressions of racism, xenophobia, homophobia and worse. I doubt that many of the men on this forum have been pestered by unwelcome date requests by the man they hired to do the thing in their house. Or that the sight of a woman working on her own home becomes some sort of public spectacle. Ask me about my creepy goblin stalker who feels it is his right to bother me whenever he has caught a glimpse of me on the scaffold, or painting my fence or whatever. That it is his right to interrupt, interject, offer unskilled advice AND pester me with extremely unwanted romantic advances. And be rejected every single time but he won't give up. I am a middle aged woman who is not working in a bikini, not wearing make-up, wearing task-appropriate work clothes. In no way am I somehow "inviting" this attention, except by existing.

I have learned a lot from this forum, and the others before it. I am really grateful for that. BUT - the times when the condescension begins, or the impractical longwinded theoretical but undemonstrated lectures begin about how I am doing the thing "wrong" - these experiences get tossed on the pile. Some of the repeat offenders do this to everyone - but others only treat the obviously female members of this community this way. This is a problem that needs conscious correction. It isn't okay.

When women tell men that they have been offended - their experiences are often minimized, dismissed, or turned on their head as to how the woman's offense is now victimizing the allegedly hurt male. It's exhausting. It's like white people talking to non-white people about how they aren't racist. It is not for the white people to define other's experiences.

I would like this forum to be a place where members of all skill levels are welcomed and encouraged. Some members are starting at zero - others are fixing their 10th old home with journeyman level skills. There aren't any stupid questions.

It should also be acknowledged that there is a spectrum of skill levels, as well as differences in educational levels, income, confidence and abilities. I will always remember my big city lawyer neighbour talking about a resident's yard. This owner had bought the house with his brother at a time when real estate was very low, and eventually bought the brother out, several years later was able to turn the house back into a single family home. The lawyer (who charged about $ 400.00/hr) was complaining about the state of this persons yard (neat but not designed). The lawyer : "You could spend
$ 10,000 and make a great looking yard." This was easy for him to say - since it would take him 15x less time to make this money than the neighbour, who had been steadily improving his house DIY with his teenage son. To the lawyer $ 10,000 was a reasonable amount a person would spent on a yard ! His attitude was that since this neighbour didn't (as opposed to couldn't) do that, that this person somehow didn't care about his house as much as the lawyer cared about his own !

TLDR: Men and women typically have different experiences and radically different socializations. Respect others experience, skills, abilities, judgement and limitation. Experience is not universal. What is possible for you may not be possible for others. Think before you speak and be kind. If you step on someone's toes, own it and move on.

[Gothichome]

Corcetiere, I certainly hope you will reconsider your departure from the District. You will be missed.
This forum has always been based on mutual respect for all, no matter what the circumstances behind our desire to restore and preserve our old homes. I believe there is no intention to talk down to or patronize the members of the District for any reason.

[GinaC]

Willa, having thought about my experiences with contractors lately, I see another pattern -- the younger guys tend to treat me with respect and as an equal. I guess they grew up with ladies being able to do whatever they want, so I feel like things might be changing in a good way.

[Gothichome]

Folks, spring is upon us and soon the weather will be consistently good for out doors work, what are your goals for this summers out door projects?
I have to finish up the upstairs hallway windows that I got started in the fall, need to do some river bank erosion abatement. Do some more windows on the NW side of Gothichome. And spend some time with a cold beer and the best of the cheap wines and watch my river go by.

[Nicholas]

I continue to keep my roof drip edges and facia trim clean. It is amazing what that one little thing can do to make the whole house look clean. Kind of like cleaning the whitewalls and hubcaps on a car.

I am also continuing with my salvage fence board picket fencing ops.

[Manalto]

Ron, I'm focusing at the moment on making the garage so that it can serve its intended purpose - although it was built when cars were smaller (not sure when) so my average-sized car will just squeeze in. First, I put a door in the rear of the building (which faces the back of the house) for easier access.



Since the photo was taken, the threshold has been painted very dark green. The door, here with primer, will be a deep olive/moss, the same as the other doors and wooden windows in the house.

Today we will begin work on replacing the garage door with a vintage wooden door that I found on Craigslist. (It's not a handsome Craftsman style door, unfortunately, just a simple overhead style. The garage door faces the lane behind the house, so it's not a prominent architectural feature.) Here's what is there now, by way of explaining why it has to be replaced. (My makeshift gate, fashioned from an old screen door, fence pickets and bamboo, will be replaced by a proper gate with saloon hinges.)



Next week, the plan is to install the 6 casement windows in the sleeping porch to bring it back to its original purpose. Bonnie, (womanwithahammer) kindly put me in touch with the person selling these windows in eastern Tennessee. They are perfect match for the existing casement windows in the 1950s addition at the back of the house.



Paint color is the same near-black green of the threshold and metal railings.

[awomanwithahammer]

I finished the fireplace this week. Stripped all the woodwork and brick and repainted everything. I had to replace the hearth tiles because PO laid new ceramic tile over the original quarry tile. I replaced it with limestone tiles. I like the way it looks. It is plumbed for gas, but the line seemed to be leaking. I bought a (practically) new gas log set from my neighbor for $25. I like my logs better, but the fire mechanism is a lot newer. I still need a new line and would ideally like for it to be run through the side of the fireplace instead of in the front like it was. I'm waiting for a plumber to come and see if it is feasible. If not, I could probably run the new line, but I'm not messing with the gas.
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